


To Feel Again

by XMadamRoseX



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Broken JJ, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oral Sex, Pilroy, Post-Break Up, Rough Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, broken yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 10:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XMadamRoseX/pseuds/XMadamRoseX
Summary: Jean looked up at the broken man on his lap. He was so small and warm. He hadn’t felt something so human in what felt like ages. He’d been in a drunken haze for so long he didn’t know how to push away something so soft, so human. So, he pulled Yuri to his chest and hugged him as he cried. Perhaps he was as broken as Jean.





	To Feel Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blownwish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blownwish/gifts).



> For: Blownwish for the Pilory Valentines Day Exchange. She requested “Angsty Porn” Well! Here you go! Porn with feelings!
> 
> Chapter Song: [The Pretty Reckless - Make Me Wanna Die](https://youtu.be/txBfhpm1jI0)

**To Feel Again**

**Chapter Song:** [The Pretty Reckless - Make Me Wanna Die](https://youtu.be/txBfhpm1jI0)

Jean glared at the bottle in his hand, it was empty again and he really didn’t want to walk back to the cabin for another one. He blinked slowly at the blue waves as they slowly moved back up the sandy beach. When he came out this morning, they had almost been up to his little shelter,It was hot, and if he had any self-preservation, he’d go inside and get some water. But, he’d left all of that back in Canada. He was drunk and should feel numb by this point. He wanted to feel nothing, but yet the ache was still there in his chest. He tried to take another swig from the bottle only to be reminded that it was still empty.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He glared at the shadow on the ground that had a very familiar Russian accent. The last thing he wanted to deal with was that particular angry man.

Jean looked up and sighed when his eyes met the dark emerald eyes of the very skater that had handed him his ass only a few weeks ago at the World Championships. “Get the fuck off my beach, Plisetsky.” He stumbled to his feet and started the trek back to his small cabin. He really didn’t have time for Yuri and his mouth today.

“The fuck? Hey wait! I asked you a question, ass hole!” Yuri was following him, and he wanted nothing more than to turn and finally lay the brat out. He was spoiled, entitled and seem to think world revolved around him. He had not idea that everyone worked just as hard, if not harder than him. He was a brat.

When Jean reached the steps to his back porch and Yuri was still on him, did he finally turn; his body stiff. “I told you to fuck off.” Why was he even here? He was on a small coastal town in Greece, at a very expensive resort that he made sure cost the full amount of at least two of his Olympic sponsorship deals. “What the fuck are you even doing here?” He didn’t wait for Yuri to answer before he spun on his heel and stumbled his way into the small kitchen.

“I asked you- Hey! Stop walking away from me!” Yuri stomped into the kitchen on his heels. Jean was grinding his teeth. He was sobering up quickly and that simply would not do. He didn’t want to think, he wanted to be drunk and watching the waves.

Jean slammed his hand down on the counter, the number of bottles on the counter rattling. “Yuri Plisetsky. Get the fuck out of my house.” He grabbed the nearest bottle and twisted the top, taking a long pull from his before glaring at the shorter man. “I’m here because I didn’t want to be found. Failed again.” He took another drink. Vodka, he hated vodka; why had he even bought this.

Yuri flinched as Jean yelled at him and stepped back a few steps, color draining from his face. “What’s wrong with you?” He was now looking around the room. Bottles littered nearly every surface and some of the floor. “How long have you been here?”

Jean rolled his eyes and grabbed two glasses, he didn’t have it him to fight anymore. The last few months had been nothing but fighting. He poured two glasses and handed one to Yuri. “Since after World’s... Got out of Canada as fast as I could.” He shuffled slowly into the living room and collapsed on the couch.

Yuri was watching him slowly as he poured his glass out and filled it with water. “You’ve been here for a month? The fuck, man? Just drunk?” He walked over to Jean slowly and switched their glasses, sitting across from him and sipping on the vodka.

Jean glared at the water. He did not want water, he wanted numb. But his brain was fuzzy around the edges still and getting up seemed like a lot of work. He groaned as he drank half the glass. “Seemed better than dealing with press.” He pushed himself further up to lean on the arm of the couch and slowly let his eyes drag up Yuri. He didn’t look so great himself. His hair was oily, his skin seemed paler than normal and his arm was in a large purple cast. “What happen to you?”

Yuri grumbled and glared at the cast. “Fell at practice. Yakov sent me here with the old couple so I’d stay off the ice.” He downed the rest of his glass with a wince. “Probably shouldn’t drink on the pain meds, but it’s not like I’m training or as bad as you are.”

Jean frowned and drank more of his water. “Your coach sent you on vacation with newlyweds? That’s cruel.” He winced as the word as it left his mouth. He shouldn’t be thinking of that. He should be drinking until he didn’t think about her.

“Yea, well I didn’t really have anywhere else to go.” Yuri glared and stood up quickly to fill his glass. He downed it quickly and filled it again.

Jean’s eyes followed every movement Yuri was making. So it was true. “You and Otabek?” He had seen a few articles and posts when he had bothered to turn his phone on the last few weeks. Otabek had been seen with a number of people, who were very much not Yuri.

Yuri’s head snapped at him angry. “Probably about as true as you and your wife.” He came back over with a water pitcher and filled Jean’s glass. “Is that why you bombed out at World’s?”

Another thing Jean didn’t want to think about. “Ex-Wife and mostly.” He looked down at the glass and sighed. The pain was coming back, he didn’t want it! He didn’t want to think, he wanted to just exist and not feel any of it. This was Yuri’s fault, he was doing fine out on his little beach. “Why are you in my house again?”

Yuri sat on the floor and pulled his feet under him. “Cause the newlyweds are fucking and I so don’t need to hear that.” He glared at Jean with his normal spite. “So, you two did end it?” He took another drink of his vodka. Jean was greatly considering taking it from him. It was his after all.

“I don’t want to talk about it and I sure as hell don’t want to talk about it with you.” What did this kid know? Him and Otabek broke up all the time. They’d be back together by the end of the off-season and all over Instagram again.

Yuri stood and swayed slightly. “Fuck you! I don’t even know why I’m trying. Not like I know what you are going through or anything. You wouldn’t even get it. Straight laced good boy.” He flicked his hair over his shoulder. “What, she actually turn out to be the gold digger we all knew she was?”

Jean stood and stalked over to Yuri. “Why are you trying then? I don’t care.” He was towering over Yuri and all his pent-up rage was slowly slipping lose of his drunken haze. “Doesn’t the world already revolve around you? You and your pretty boyfriend! You’ll be back together soon. You don’t know anything about this.” He was tired of this. He was going to go sleep the heat off.

Yuri was on him before he could take a single step. “Shut up! You don’t know anything! You don’t…” He hiccupped as his eyes watered. “You don’t know anything about us.” He glared up at Jean. “At least I didn’t catch him in bed with a Hockey player at the fucking Olympics.”

Jean moved faster than he thought was possible. “Get out! You little shit! Get out!” He shoved Yuri hard, causing him to fall over the chair. Yuri was on his feet faster than someone with a broken hand should be able to. “At least I didn’t pretend she wasn’t doing it. At least I did something. You’ll crawl ba-“  Yuri tackled him to the ground and landed a punch clear on his jaw.

“He” Punch. “fucked an” Punch. “Angel!”Jean was trying to shield his face as Yuri swung madly with what seems no more desire to actually land anything like the first hit. He was crying and shaking as he slowed his punches down. He was straddled on Jean and blinking. “He did it over and over! He almost ruined everything I’ve worked for… he almost ruined my career!”

Jean looked up at the broken man on his lap. He was so small and warm. He hadn’t felt something so human in what felt like ages. He’d been in a drunken haze for so long he didn’t know how to push away something so soft, so human. So, he pulled Yuri to his chest and hugged him as he cried. Perhaps he was as broken as Jean.

They laid there a long time, so long Jean thought Yuri had fallen asleep. His breath had evened out and he had stopped the shaking hiccups that came every few breaths as he sobbed. When Yuri finally lifted his head slightly he hovered over Jean’s face. Their eyes locking as they absorbed what was happening. Their lips met in a soft testing kiss that was more the pressing of flesh than a true kiss. When Yuri pulled away, he only left enough room to move his lips along Jeans as he spoke. “This isn’t happening.” It wasn’t a question, it was a command.

Jean nodded slowly as dug his hands into Yuri’s hair and pressed their mouths back together. Letting his lips move and suck this time, deepening the kiss as quick as he could. Now that he had felt again, he needed to feel more. He needed to feel this body on him, he wanted it all over him. He didn’t care it was someone he could hardly stay in a room alone with, without wanting to punch him. As Yuri had said, this wasn’t happening. Rolling them over, he pulled his shirt off and grinded his hips into Yuri’s. “Then hurry up and fuck me.”

Yuri’s blood shot eyes widened as a dark smile spread over his face. It was a smile that never reached his eyes but was pure passion nonetheless. “Oh? And here I thought I’d have to power bottom you.” He hooked his legs around Jean’s waist and flipped them back to where they had started. The hardwood floor was cold on Jean’s bare skin, cooling him in the hot Mediterranean afternoon. Jean wanted to say more, say anything to make this feel more real. But Yuri was pulling his own shirt off and it was breathtaking. Even on the off season and banned from training he still had his slim defined body. He had grown so much in such a short time and yet his skating hadn’t suffered one bit. It angered Jean more than he would care to admit. Yuri was staring down at him as he breathed deep. “See something you like?”

Jean cocked an eyebrow but didn’t dare smile. “Not normally. Normally I’d love nothing more than to punch your snarky mouth. But it’s been a few years since I had a good-looking man on top of me. So…” He let his voice trail off as Yuri growled again and slid down his body, pulling his swim trunks off. Jean yelped as he felt teeth bite into him. “Hey!”

Yuri glared up at him. “That’s for the punching comment.” He licked along Jean’s growing erection and sucked the tip into his mouth, letting his tongue swirl around him before pulling off. “That’s for the good-looking comment.” Jean’s head fell back to the hard wood as Yuri sunk his mouth onto his cock again. Each time Jean would moan, Yuri would moan and sink lower, over and over until his nose met with Jean’s short hairs.

Yuri’s throat rippled around his cock head each time pressed flush with his pelvis. Jean hadn’t had a decent blow job in forever, she hated them. He flinched as her image flashed through his head and covered it with a low whine. No, he was here now. He was with someone who needed this as much as him. He was here now. “Yuri… Yuri…” He thrusted his hips up slightly and shuddered as Yuri sucked him harder still. At this rate, he wouldn’t make it. “Stop. I’m-“

Yuri pulled off him quickly with a loud pop. “Please tell me you have lube and a condom.” He was pushing his trunk down as he looked at Jean as if he was something for to devour. “I am not doing it raw with you if you haven’t done this in a while.”

Jean’s head was spinning from the sudden change of pace. “Bag on the end of the couch. The black one.” He hadn’t touched the bag once since he had arrived. But he had packed the small black bag ‘just in case’ as his brother had commanded him too. As if he could have imagined he’d want to so much as look at another human while he was here. But here he was, sprawled out on the floor of a cabin, on the coast of Greece, while Yuri Plisetsky dug through bag looking for what he needed. His firm ass staring back at him as if it was simply a challenge. Yuri was always a challenge.

He could back out now. He could tell Yuri this was a huge mistake and ask him to leave, go back to drinking and forget this ever happen. They were never friends, and this wouldn’t change that. But then Yuri turned around and looked at him with those eyes; eyes that said so much. No, Yuri needed this as much as Jean did. They needed this to feel something, anything. “Turn over?” Yuri’s voice was shaky as he fell to his knees next to Jean and leaned down to kiss him lightly before guiding him to his hands and knees. He wasn’t used to Yuri being so gentle and wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Gentle made this more than sex, he couldn’t dare think that Yuri would be his rebound. Sex. That was all this was, something to restart his system.

Yuri was moving his mouth along Jean’s back as he trailed his hands along his sides. He couldn’t keep the moans from slipping from his mouth hands squeezed his cheeks and spread them. It had been a very long time and he had honestly expected this part of his life was simply over. Couldn’t be bi while married to a good Catholic girl. He felt his anger rise again as he pushed her from his mind and growled at Yuri. “No need to be gentle. I’m far from breakable. I’m not the Princess here.” He knew the moment he felt the lubed finger press into him harshly that he had accomplished what he wanted, he’d pissed Yuri off.

“Fine then. I was willing to go nice on you. Just remember what end of this you are on, buttercup.” He pumped his finger in and out of his tight hole as Jean tried to focus on breathing. He’d almost forgotten what this was like. The burn, the stretch, and heat growing from that one center point of his body. He let out a low moan as Yuri shoved a second and a third finger into him, never once letting up on his pace. He lost himself in the moment of feeling.

Jean gasped and pulled his head back up from where it had fallen between his shoulders as he felt Yuri press into him. He was slow, so slow, Jean thought he might actually stop at some point, but he never did. Not until his hips met Jean’s ass and he shuttered slightly. “Holy shit... Yuri... Wait... Wait a second.” He needed to adjust to this. Yuri wasn’t exactly huge, but he was still filling Jean in a way a finger never could and the way his toys simply didn’t do the same way. He was warm and pulsed through him with each breath they took. With a deep breath he relaxed and nodded.

His head had barely moved before Yuri pulled back slightly and snapped his hips forward. “Shit! You're fucking tight.” Yuri’s voice was breathless as he started a slow rhythm that seemed more for him than Jean. The two moaned and grunted as they continued to roll against each other with each new thrust of Yuri’s hips. Just like the waves crashing on the shore feet from the back door, Jean could feel the tide rising. He had long lost the ability to form words, nothing more than moans and groans as Yuri speed up behind him, pressing his shoulders down. “Like that. Show me that ass. Yes. Like that.” Yuri squeezed his cheeks with his one good hand as he pounded harder into Jean.

Jean’s hand wrapped around himself finally and pumped in time with Yuri’s ruthless thrusts. He was so close, and he could feel Yuri’s tight balls slap against him with each crash of his hips. Jean shuttered with a pained moan as he came in tight waves, forcing himself to stay up right as Yuri refused to slow down. It wasn’t a few more thrust before Yuri stilled and whined low, filling the condom.

Yuri leaned over Jean breathing hard. “Fuck”. They both fell to the side in an undignified heap. Yuri slipped free of Jean and pulled him to his back with a grunt, while Jean let himself float in the post orgasm. For the first time in months he smiled without forcing it. Yuri had shimmied his body close to his and laid his head on Jean’s chest.

Jean didn’t know what to do. Why were they cuddling? This was not that kind of sex; there was no feelings attached to this. But that didn’t change the fact that Yuri was warm and so soft on his skin. His cast was heavy where it was thrown over Jean’s chest. “Yuri?” He didn’t know what he was supposed to say here, he’d never done this before. He’d never so much as had a one-night stand, what was the protocol here?

“Shut up. Just… Just shut up for a minute.” Yuri buried his face in Jean’s chest and shook as tears ran down his chest. Jean knew then he’d been right, Yuri was just as broken as him. He ran his fingers through Yuri’s long hair and tried not to compare it to the jet black of hers. Yuri didn’t cry long this time, but Jean’s eyes had started to water now. The life he thought he’d have was actually gone. All the work, the public engagement, the big wedding; all gone in one moment. But to feel human touch again, it hurt more than he’d like to admit. Was that what Yuri was feeling, the true end of everything he had loved?

“Yuri, I’m sorry about Otabek. I shouldn’t have said that to you.” He tried to keep his voice as quiet as possible, as if this moment would break if he spoke to loud. Yuri had stopped crying, but when he raised his head, his eyes were still that bloodshot red that contrasted painfully beautiful against his dark green eyes.

“I knew... I always knew.” He ran his finger down Jean’s chest and over the scabbing tattoo he was in the process of having lasered off. The single name over his heart. “He’d come home from the club and smell like some cheap perfume or have lipstick stained on his skin where he tried to rub it off.” He tapped the scabs lightly. “He’d always rush to the shower and not let me come with him.” Yuri raised his eyes again and pushed himself up to sit. “It wasn’t until the Angel sent Yakov photos and a letter demanding money that I snapped. He had went too far for me to pretend it wasn’t happening.”

Jean sat up and blinked at Yuri. “She tried to blackmail you?” He couldn’t imagine that went over well. Yakov was very well known for managing Victor and his mistakes for years. He was known for not only making the issue go away but more times than not, the person in question was ruined.

Yuri shrugged his shoulders. “Victor fixed it. He paid her and made her sign something. He said he didn’t want it to be a big deal. He dropped Otabek and Yakov had his paperwork revoked. He can’t train in Russia again.” Yuri looked at his cast. “I would have probably taken him back if they hadn’t done that. I punched a wall I was so angry at Victor at first.”

Jean wanted to hold him. He wanted to protect him. He was still young, and he was so broken already. But he understood what he was going through, more than he probably thought. “I didn’t get away from him until I met Bella. He has that pull on you.” He snorted a small laugh. “We see how well that worked out. I didn’t just catch her in bed with a Hockey player. I caught her in our hotel room.” He looked at the tan line that was slowly fading on his hand. “She says she loves him. She wants to marry him.”

Yuri smiled slightly, it was a sad smile that only someone who understands you can have. “That’s cold.” He looked around at the messy room. “She really did a number on you. She take everything too?”

Jean stood and pulled a blanket off the couch. “Nah, parents demanded a Prenup. We had an adultery clause for both of us. She got nothing at all.” He wrapped the blanket around them and leaned back on the couch. “Well… what do we do now? I’m new to this whole randomly fucking someone.”

Yuri elbowed him and sighed. “First, you need to shower. You smell like a bar.” Jean went to grumble only for Yuri to continue. “Then we go crash the happy couple’s dinner plans. I feel like I fucked you, so I guess I should handle dinner at least.”  He leaned his head on Jean’s shoulder. “Still means nothing.”

Jean ran his hand through Yuri’s hair again. “Nothing at all.” No, this couldn’t mean anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Also… as you might see there is a “?” after that chapter number… yea… this is a new WIP… fuck me.


End file.
